Wednesday, May 31, 2006

What I did on My Bank Holiday

Hello Imaginary Readers! Actually I suppose you are less imaginary now, since some of you commented on the Aliases post. Good to know you like them anyway.

Did you have a good Bank Holiday? Was it hot and sunny where you were? Yes? Then you can just roll over and DIE now. It poured with rain virtually the Entire Weekend. So glad we didn’t go camping.

On Friday my dear, lovely friend Heidi–who-lives-in-Austria and her new man J2 turned up for an evening of jolliment. Yes. Suffice it to say that the next morning J2, who is not used to our little ways, was staring at his plate of bacon and eggs sweating profusely and making frequent trips to the loo. Me? I was chomping my way through a burger, swigging coffee, gossiping with Heidi and trying to convince her to move back to Bristol because she is Ace. Liver of steel me. Are there photos I hear you ask? No, because I forgot the camera.

That afternoon FrenchFancy and I went shopping for pretty dresses to wear to the various weddings we have this summer. The Fancy looked gorgeously pretty in everything and I looked like a 5’6” pear, but y’know. I’m not jealous or anything. No.

On Monday Fishboy, the Fancy, OwlLover and I attempted to walk in Ashton Court, but swiftly gave that up when it started pissing with rain. Again. So we sensibly repaired to my favourite pub, the Adam & Eve on Hopechapel Hill and drank some restorative cider. Purely for medicinal reasons you understand. Then we staggered walked quickly back to the Fancy Owl Nest for some of OwlLover’s macaroni and cheese. Whereupon I made a pig of myself and ate 2 large helpings. Because sometimes? Mac and Cheese is IT.

How was your weekend Imaginary Readers? Let me know.

Friday, May 26, 2006


Because I am new to this whole blogging thing, I am a bit unsure about the whole privacy on the web issue. So far I’ve kept it anonymous, so if you don’t know me personally and haven’t had email that reads something along the lines of ‘Look! I started a Blog! It’s all about Me and how fabulous I am. Yay. Go and read it now! I command you. And comment! Commenting is important.’ then you don’t know my name. Annnd I think I’m going to keep it that way for the time being. I’m not sure why, there’s no special reason, and maybe I’ll reveal all soon. (Like you care.)

I’ve been referring to people by their initials, but I can tell already that that is going to annoy me. If I’m going to be anonymous then my friends and family get to be too. So I’m going to come with amusing nicknames for them. Well, amusing to me. If you know me and are reading this, you should be able to recognise yourself.

FrenchFancy goes out with OwlLover. I like them, they are very cool. And nice.

Honker is FrenchFancy’s brother. I like it when the Honker gets drunk and tells me about his girlfriends.

FishBoy is my partner.

The SlugKiller is the Queen of Vegetables. Her Partner is Fartilopocus. They live in the Country and sometimes the SlugKiller brings me fabulously delicious vegetables from her farm allotment.

The DomesticGoddess is my Bristol based sister. She is married to Dr Nice, they have two kids: BalletGirl and DinosaurBoy

MusicMan is Tinkerbell’s daddy

The VP goes out with CeramicsGirl. They live in London like the Honker and I don’t see them enough. I used to live with CeramicsGirl and me, her and HeadGirl used to spend hours yucking it up in the kitchen. Good times, good times. HeadGirl goes out with HandsomeMan

Lets see who else. Oh yes. GlamourGirl has spectacular boobies and lives in me and Fishboy’s old house- the Communist State of Road we used to Live On. She lives with the Boy Who Cannot Love and various other people who I don’t know that well. Apart from the WankStain who lived there when The FishBoy and I lived there and is an arsehole.

Oh and there is also CorporateCurls and her husband the Student. I used to work with both of them until we all came to our senses and quit that vile place of employ. It is nice to know that workfriends can become realfriends.

Other workfriends who are now realfriends are Blondie and SailingBoy.

Ok there are other people who need nicknames including the rest of my family. But I’m bored with this now and need to go to the supermarket. If you are offended by your nickname let me know and I might think about changing it. Or not.


Lookit! Over there! on the right. I have posted some Bristol Girl approved links. The blogs are all written by people I stalk read online. Or by people I know personally. (Hi Dave)

And then there are some sites. Have a look at Yogabeans. That one made tea come out of my nose. Funny stuff.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

No Camping for You!

A beautiful sunny day today to make up for the last week or so of rain every day and gale force winds. It’s MAY. May. C’mon, I’m supposed to be wearing my sundresses and oversized sunglasses by now, not wondering if the global warming will get that much worse if I turn the heating on for hour because, dammit, it’s cold in here.*

I had mooted the idea of camping this weekend because 2 weeks ago when I suggested it, it WAS hot and sunny. But now? Now everything will be muddy and cold and horrid and No Way Am I Going Camping. I am not one of Nature’s outdoorsy people but D and I are skint and can’t afford a holiday this year. And camping is a nice way of meeting up with friends, walking in the fresh air, eyeballing cows and drinking cider in pubs. I only however, find it tolerable if the weather is somewhat nice. And by somewhat nice I mean blazing hot sunshine. So no camping. Are you disappointed imaginary readers? I could have come back with tales of beer and skittles and cows stampeding. Actually I have video footage somewhere of me being chased by cows. It’s hilarious. Am I going to put it up here? No, I have no idea where it is. I’m such a cow aren’t I?Pun intended.

My dear friend K and her new man J2 are coming for a flying visit tomorrow. Hurray for K! K lives in Austria, where she selfishly moved with her ex (J1) about oooh, 2 years ago. Leaving Me Without Her Company. I am very much looking forward to seeing her and giving my seal of approval to J2. I foresee hilarity (and hiccups) ensuing when we meet up tomorrow evening. I will post photos if they are amusing enough.

*No I didn’t turn the heating on. I buy Ecover everything have energysaver lightbulbs and Don’t Even Own a Car. The BG Household is Energy Conscious

Wednesday, May 24, 2006


D just went out in the rain to buy the white wine for the risotto I'm making for supper. And came back with this. When I charmingly pointed out that it would be undrinkable, because hello! It doesn't even come in a wine bottle, it has a jam jar lid, he sulked and called me an evil witch with fingers of ice and talons for toes. (Well- wouldn't you?) Then he poured himself a glass and agreed that yes! it was indeed revolting. But then said that he thought I could use the bottle for a vase and thats why he bought it. Oh sweetie, you are sooo sweet. But:

Rule #1 when buying wine - do not go for anything in an weirdly shaped bottle. It will be vile. Also, avoid screwcaps.

About Me

You know, having browsed around a few blogs now I’m always amazed at how uninformative the ‘About Me’ bit can be. Really? You love peanut butter and rainy days? Me too! But how old are you? Where do you live? Are you married? What kind of job do you do? Yeah, I’m aware you shouldn’t give too high a level of personal detail, because of the creepy internet stalkers with one hand in their pants (and that’s pants in the UK sense, Yankees.) But I’d love to know if you are 10 or 40. I mean, I just told you that I went on and then swiftly off anti-depressants. Now you get a basic level of personal information too! Aren’t you lucky, imaginary readers!

1. I’m 29
2. I live in Bristol (Gasps of disbelief from those who didn’t read the title of this blog. Yes, it’s a crap title, but I have no imagination and I couldn’t think of anything else)
3. I live with my partner the lovely D, who puts up with far more than he should have to and also makes me cups of tea without being asked. Which, from asking around, I gather is relatively rare in boys. I am a lucky girl.
4. I am currently unemployed which sucks the big fat one (see previous post) not for long I hope.
5. I have 4 sisters
6. I read a lot (Currently, Birds of America, Mary McCarthy and Saturday, Ian McEwan)
7. I went to Art School in the US, but that does NOT mean I know anything about art.
8. I love cooking food and drinking wine and some might say, I am rather good at both.
9. I smoked for quite a long time, but gave up last September, and I am So Much Better For It. 10. Roll on the total smoking ban I say.
11. I belong to the Badminton Widows Supper Club
12. We have dinner most weeks which is fun and we usually drink too much wine.
13. I love Radio 4
14. I lived in the US for nearly 10 years
15. Black Books is the greatest TV show ever made. I am in love with Dylan Moran and want to have his babies.
16. I like clothes and shoes but not in a ridiculous Sex in the City way.
17. I can be anal retentive. For example, if I am washing up, all the glasses have to be laid out to dry on a tea towel in neat rows By Type of Glass.
18. I loathe housework, but I do it anyway because I hate a dirty flat more.
19. I French kissed my friend O once in 2000 when we were really drunk. I like boys better even though she is really pretty and all the boys love her.
20. A pale greyish turquoisey blue is my favourite colour. D once asked if everything I owned was turquoise. No, but nearly.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Oh Lordy this being unemployed malarkey sucks the big fat one

I applied for 5 jobs today, all with the same (very large) organisation. They better hire me, after I spent all that time lovingly handcrafting cover letters for each individual job. Yawn.

My enthusiastic little recruiter, the Tiggeresque A, has not phoned me back, but then he Never Ever Does. I have to phone him and then he’s all apologetic and shit. But he is trying to get me an interview for a company I’d really like to work for. I hope so anyway, but frankly I am with 3 recruiters and not one of them has so much as got me a Single, Solitary, Interview. Useless bastards.

In other news, after trying and failing to get a therapist (waiting list) I went back to see my GP, because CRAP! I am depressed. So, I decided I’d do what I really, really didn’t want to do, and go on anti-depressants. Because y’know, I am of the Rave Generation and if there’s one thing I know how to do, its pop pills. So I got a prescription for 10mg of Citalopram, which as far as I can make out is pretty damn mild. But I read the list of possible side-effects anyway, and thought ‘that won’t apply to me’ Because, I NEVER get side effects from ANYTHING. Honestly, you can prescribe me anything and nothing will happen (apart from the desired effect). I never get allergies or intolerances or anything like that. But, yeah this time I got the Side Effects. There was a massive scary list with the pills that I am too lazy to copy in here, but:

Insomnia? Check
Heart palpitations? Check
Headaches? Check

I was lying awake every night with my heart pounding and racing and a headache. Fabbo. I’d rather be bummed out. So, I’m not taking the pills anymore. Dearest D is relieved because he didn’t want me to take the damn pills either and I’m relieved, because, well, now I can sleep at night.